Although it seems long, these past couple of weeks went rather quickly. There was the usual laundry to do after my son left and things to straighten up. Having my schedule and life back felt pretty good, although the house was quiet and empty. No one calling a cheery ‘hello’ and I had no one to tell little newsy things to.

I couldn’t go walking because there was, still, this pain in my left pelvis. Whatever medication I tried, did not work and so I wandered the living room, the kitchen, the bath, bedroom and back because it’s all I knew to do.

Instead of having a nice, few weeks off before tests and CT scan, etc. I’ve been dealing with this ‘thing’. I’ve decide it is (probably) some remnants left from kidney stones trying to get out. It wouldn’t help to go to Urologist as I need to deal with cancer issue first. Not more tests and more x-rays into body. I finally figured out that if I took one Ibuprofen (600 mg) and one half morphine (5 mg) that I could function. I don’t like to take either one. Someone from my cancer support group told me to research medical marijuana.

There are many different ways one could choose to take it. I was surprised to find out how much it was used in the medical field. For depression, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). For chemo side effects, the nausea, the inability to eat, neuropathy, the horrible pain and all other co-hosts of this toxin. The side effects of the meds I am taking is not such good news.

It’s suggested to take marijuana at bed time so it can help repair while the body is trying to do this anyway. I may just really find out as much as I can and then decide. I am tired of pain. And, I can’t go walking as it starts its hellish descent and I have to stop, clutching my side and moaning. A couple of times, when I tried walking, I thought I couldn’t make it back home.

Meanwhile, I’ve also had my first Acupuncture. It was a pleasant experience. I realize that just one treatment won’t help much so I have 2 more before my CT scan. I am also taking 20,000 units of Vitamin D3  (at bed time) as recommended by a Naturopathic doctor. I am still trying to out run chemo.

Then, a terrible tragedy has come into the life of my very best friend. Another, had a massive stroke and fighting for life.  I was thinking, that there are worse things than my cancer. More immediate.

As it is with life’s tapestry, weaving other threads into our day, there’s the happy news that Julio and Marie Ann are coming this Thursday. Our camino buddies. Julio called a few days ago, as they were boarding the train in Chicago to go to Yellowstone.  “Are you still alright with kind invitation of us coming?” he asked. I responded in the affirmative. He also told me, that Marie Ann is saying that this country is soo big. Too big.

So, I am planning a few outings as they’re only here a few days. I need to cook ahead so we have something to eat as they’ll be late that Thursday. Cameron is coming in as well, so I pick him up first at the airport. (Must not forget to go to have several blood tests done that morning.)

Hopefully the aunts can come, as well as other friends who have been so supportive, loving and kind. The timing is good as I’ll have the CT scan and appointment with Oncologist May 2nd.  Then we’ll have all the answers. Iwill ask Radiologist to concentrate on my left side. Maybe we can see what’s going on. If not, I guess I shall make appt with Urologist. (Julio and MarieAnn are leaving May 3rd.)

If tumor has not grown I will have another 2 mos.

Saturday, I have planned a little Fiesta for my friends.

Even though surgery is off the table and I am very relieved not having to got through  all of that, the chemo boogie-man is still hovering close by. But, those fangs are not as sharp and big as they were.

The house is still since Cameron’s departure. Having lived alone for so long, it’s rather different having someone here. I have my old schedule back and my odd time keeping.

Since I nearly had one months before having bloodwork, CT scan, etc. I figured I deserved some time off and perhaps go to a cancer retreat. Get acupuncture, breathing techniques, raw food-juicing, emotional cleansing as well just in case there were unknown remnants. etc. I’d  found a place in California. Sonoma Valley. Burbling brook, bird singing, lovely surroundings and peaceful. I envisioned myself on long hikes through a tall tree forest, doing all the above described things. I’d send an e-mail for more info and the owner called. After hearing some of my story, he was going to lower the rates so I could afford it. I’d also found a reasonable air fare and was so excited and looking forward to this marvelous respite… when…. I had to cancel everything. Sudden onslaught of a sharp, poking pain which nearly had me doubling over. I was hoping it would ‘just go away.’ But days later when it became worse not better I was scared and canceled the ticket, the retreat, not knowing what it was.

I finally had to go and seek medical help . From my back, to my side, to my lower front pelvic region. I would start out with Ibuprofen, then when that did not help at all, called the office to request stronger pain meds. Well, he called in some pills that made my head rummy and dizzy but did nothing for the pain. By Thursday, all day and through the night I thought I’d have to wake Cameron to take me to the Emergency room but then, held off because that would cost several thousand dollars. Friday morning, I called my GYN’s office to try to see him but discovered that they don’t work on that day. So, I called my Dr. They booked me for the afternoon.  Those hours stretched painfully before me but finally I got to go.

Examination, Urin sample, blood test, including CA 125. I had shown doc the written order from my oncologist and asked if I could do these tests out of his office, the end of the month. He agreed but then ordered the very same tests!! I said, we didn’t need those now since I was going to have them the end of April. He answered, ‘well, we’ll just do them again’. This is the same Dr., who, a few weeks ago was trying to save Medicare’s money when Dr, D.  ordered a CA 125. Go figure.

I had a thoughrough examination, including rectal which was a total surprise and produced groans and eye-rolling from me. Well. He didn’t know. Could be Diverticolitis. Painful, chronic attacks. I said ‘what??!’ I wouldn’t have anything I couldn’t spell, I told him. Or, it could be some infection, or if the pain won’t go away, it could be the cancer. He wrote a prescription for infection control. Cameron picked it up and when I saw the one page and a half warning, I was queasy.

I researched Diverticulitis and it stated: ‘Caused by a total ‘American based Diet’ of too much meat, too little fiber, not enough vegetables and chronic constipation.‘ I laughed out loud. Come on!! I’ve been on a Vegan  lifestyle (except for a few times) for 2 years now and with detoxing I had enough roughage to fill Noah’s Arch. Had he not listened at all? I decided, right then and there that this would not be what I had. I was a little un-easy about the cancer since there are some other tumors in there, they just have not lit up the PET.

Then I remembered, when I had the Lithotripsy a couple of years ago, to blast way kidney stones. A couple remained on the bottom of my left kidney, they could not go up and then out. The pain I remembered as being the same excrutiating, writhing thing. I also remembered that the Emergency room Doctor, prescribed Flomax. I had thought that this was a med for males only but he said, no, it would make passing the stones a lot easier. Right he was. So. I searched and found the vial with some left. A little out-dated but I figured this was not Yohgurt. Sure enough by Sunday morning it was gone as sudden as it had appeared. What a total, happy relief.

Next day, I fell over the strung out garden hose and hit my knee and hurt my wrists. Just can’t have a day without something hurting or going on. Tiresome.

I was getting cabin fever as the weather was so unfriendly. High winds started up to 35-40 mph and I couldn’t walk. A friend called to ask if I would drive to Crested Butte with her. Sure, I said. Had not been there for years. That broke up the day.

Now, I try to keep busy until my appointment May 2nd. If tumor is table as well I won’t have to do anything for another 2 month. My life could be measured in 2-months increments. I’m planning a road trip with friends to Santa Fe.

Now it’s Easter Weekend. Inspite of this roller coaster ride, the terror and fears about surgery and chemo. The ever present cancer I feel at peace. The rising of CA 125 has stopped.  This is my gift from God. Also, from my hard work. Happy Easter.