My goodness. I just cannot believe how long this took to hear anything.

Biopsy was 2 weeks ago. Total disaster. I was in LOTS of pain and awful nausea. Scheduling nurse and I had talked 3 different times about taking my MJ vapors, so I wouldn’t vomit. She said she would make a note of it. Next time, when I brought it up because I remembered the ‘circus’ when having a CT scan.

Once there, however and barely registered, I was taken to the Financial Office to ‘see if they can help me.’ Well, NOT on that day! Just before a procedure.

Again, this ‘nurse’ came up to me as I was waiting on the Gurney to admonish me about ‘smoking’. GOSH! NOT again. I just moaned, cried and rocked with pain. I ‘think’ they finally gave me something for nausea. Speaking of nausea: This last bout of ‘bowel problems’ has been responsible for me losing 35 lbs in 5 weeks. This had me so very worried and concerned. I finally put the symptoms in search engine and there was a NEW word. (New for me.) ‘CACHEXIA’. This is the terrible ‘wasting disease’ caused by cancer. Cancer cells feed and suck the protein out of the healthy cells. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WOULD EAT, even if you could, it would not matter. You starve to death. Being so passionate about food and a decent cook, I thought this would be the most cruel end. Many a night I cried with terror of this death and no one told me different. This was an older dated research and I’ve not had time to find more. BUT, other than some Opiates which they say may or may not be effective, what I did see was that this ONE medication for this ‘condition’ has shown good promises: “CANNABIS”. At that time (2006) it was only legal in Europe. Well, was I happy to see that. I’m already on my way. Then, after a break through 2 weeks ago, when I finally had some peace and less pain with bowels. Three days ago, I strted eating ‘NORMAL’ (organic) food. Just small plate but ‘plate’ never the less. My weight had spiraled down to 155 lbs. I’ve gained 5lbs since. I cannot convey the PURE JOY of feeling ‘Hunger’. I’ve also learned, that I have to have 3 different forms of MJ.

First: ‘Tears of Phoenix’ cannabis oil for cancer. One grain of rice-size about 5 times a day. Ingested with applesauce, 1 mini, tiny piece of ‘European butter’ (fat content is higher.) I found the perfect way to get it down without ‘gagging’. I cut off a slice of lemon, suck on it, throw down the ‘cannabis’ and suck on lemon again. THAT way, no taste of MJ.

I’ve also learned, that when you are so very sick, you cannot eat from a plate or ‘chunky food.’ I was still drinking this powerful bone-meat-veggie-broth. In the middle of the painful night, to soothe my poor abdomen, I would get my beanie bag heated and then 1/2 cup of thus HOT broth.

When Cameron was here and we sat down to eat and I couldn’t, he looked at me with such naked fear and tears brimming, that it broke my heart that I can’t do better. But then, if it had been this disease, nothing matters.  I took a photo of my ‘first food’ and posted it on FB. 🙂

Meanwhile, I have also had an appointmenbt with my ‘regular’ doc whom I beseeched to help me get better with the ‘other stuff’. Also asked him, if he would ‘monitor’ me and note changes and improvements.

I guess, we are still doing the CA 125 even though the Diagnosis is in question. When I learned, that even though the Liver has lesions, it is not cancerous. Once I had shared this, I received many ‘congratulatory’ mails and phone calls.

This does NOT mean, I don’t have cancer anymore but only that not now, on the liver. Everythinbg else was still there, last CT scan. The one with the MOST worrying feature, is the tumor on the aorta. No help for that. This is why the Cannabis has to work because THAT could be my death sentence.

I had asked a friend from the medical field to look at a few things. He graciously did so. Since I don’t have a ‘workable’ diagnosis, I asked what it could be? He answered:’ Lice and Fleas!’

WHAT!?  “Some people have a definite cancer (lice) and some people have a definite cancer ( fleas) and some people have LICE AND FLEAS!”  Best medical explanation I ever had. Thanks.

Had to get another batch of cannabis. This one seems to be much improved and so am I. When you consider, that ALL I am taking for the remaining bowel problem, is ONLY 1/2 of an Ibuprofen and ‘maybe’ 1/4 of a Tramadol, then be assured that’s my entire PHARMA. Less and less pharma pills.

Still envisioning going to Germany and Austria. I guess I will know more after next week’s test.

At the hospitas, later, I vomited all over the place. Horrible experience. I made some decisions. I will have all my tests done here, at home. That will reduce the ‘Misery time’ of about 3-4 hours or more. I live only a few blocks from our Hospital. (They are NOT as rude, either.)

I am supposed to have another Biopsy. (Will call my surgeon and ask if he does this as well.) Not sure if I shoud have before or After the trip. (I will interject that if the ONLY option they will offer me is chemo, I probably won’t take it. My bowels and blood clots would not withstand a new toxic assault.

The other day, I felt soo good, I put some ‘Strauss’ on and  I cleaned my fridge, kitchen, changed guestroom, made Pear Strudel, cleaned my bathroom and THEN….. then I danced a waltz. Alone in my kitchen, the pale sun shinig in and tears running down my face for the JOY of just doing this simple, little thing.

“Chemo never felt this good.’  Cannabis can do a lot but it cannot sew. Healing (sewing) damage. Researching new concepts and treatments.

Lost a few ‘friends’. One, because I take Marijuana. (Gateway to Hell) hahaha. The other one, because I won’t play the Political-Hate game. I JUST do NOT care right now. I am trying to save my life and ignorant opinions do not interest me.

Sure wish I could see my grandkids. It’s been over 2 years with Kaleb and 3 years for Brianna. (Dylan is working, still and busy in the high country.)