The next day I went about my business when the phone rang. It was my doc. He chastised me, once again and I answered the thoughts I’d had, yesterday.
Before I could launch into the financial aspects, he told me to ‘get on with it as he was in between patients’. I think, that was the last straw. I am looking for a new doc. Had enough of this verbal abuse, for which I am paying. Not much… after all it’s only Medicare but still, I am employing him.
It reminded me, when I was married, to ‘what’s his-name’. He was perfect in the art of verbal abuse. I remember one incident, now rather comical. He was reading something to me while having breakfast. So this was the sentence;’ This fakuhd had interesting structures.’
I asked, ‘fahkud?’ I don’t know what that is. ‘What!?” he yells, you don’t even know what a fahkud is? You always want to be so clever! Puzzled over this outburst, I said, no, I’m sorry, this is a word I’ve never heard, would you show it to me, please? He did and it was ‘facade’. Meaning: front. Spelled the French way with the accent under the c. “Oh’, I’d exclaimed, delighted, that indeed, I did recognize the word, ‘you mean ‘Fassade’, pronouncing it the proper way.
Before I knew what was happening, he picked up his cup and threw it against the sink. I was not allowed to be intelligent. He couldn’t handle it. He was throwing a whole, complete hissy-fit. (I’ve been divorced for many years.)
The rest of the day was spend in self created harmony. Feeding the birds and listening to their excited chatter, when saw me approaching the feeder. A walk by the river, azure sky and sun on my face.
I’d called Denver camp and they promised that Dr. D’s nurse would get back to me She did. Could not give me result of PET since Dr. D said, that she didn’t have the Radiologist there to interpret. My scan and case history would come before the board, this Thursday, to be discussed and then I would get their recommendations.
I’ve also made an appointment with ENT docs in Grand Junction. Another red flag for my doc, as he questioned why I wouldn’t go to local. I didn’t have time to explain, how that one missed the whole symptoms and only diagnosed ‘increase mucus production’, when it was the cellular changes of lung cancer. Why would I go back to him??
Fenruary 15th is my appointment. I really don’t think, it’s anything to worry about. This is ‘just in case’. A Raiologist and friend of mine, who had looked at the scan, told me he’d never seen anything, that would show cancer, ‘in that area’. This was later confirmed, by the nurse, who said, that Dr. D. noted, she had never, ever seen ovarian cancer end up in the throat. I have no symptoms of anything. (Other than some scratching-tickle, when I had a cold after getting back from New York.)
I got busy baking an apple cake and made myself a big salad. I’d called my friends, Monika and Inge B. and invited them for Coffee and cake for Saturday afternoon. Cleaned house, ironed and had a good evening.
Saturday, while setting the table with Bavarian China and bright, yellow tulips, the phone rang. Caller I.D. showed doc is calling. I didn’t pick up right away. Didn’t even want to talk with him but then, I didn’t want to have resentment brewing and be so little. I picked up and he gave me the result of our ‘disputed’, un-necessary CA 125 blood test.
SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS!! My CA 125 has lowerd 7 points. Seven, heavenly points. DOWN. Not the same, not UP but down. My Immune system is fighting like mad to get rid of mutant cell problem. I was elated. I would’ve cleaned the street to earn this money for the cost of test. The boost it gave me, the delight and joy of having my hard work confirmed, my faith substantiated is awesome. You cannot pay for this feeling.
So. What did he say?? ‘Don’t get too excited. You still need surgery.’ Gosh. I am going to find this golden nugget in the med world, who can be supportive and applaud my victories, whether they co-incide with his/her beliefs, or not.
I celebrated with a double amount of carrot/red pepper/celery juice. I had the music on and danced around my living room, singing along, loudly. More endorphins to shake up errant cells. Right now, I am a happy camper.
Thank you, GOD.