When the call came, I wasn’t prepared. I can barely remember what all Doc said except that my cancer markers went up. Not just one or two points. Although not an exact science, we have relied on this for ten years. Now, I’m not so sure that I can outrun this ‘thing’. Time is not as abundant as a few months ago. My confidence is slipping and fear is raising its ugly head. My emotions have this Yo-Yo effect. Or, up-down like the stockmarket. (It did recover?) My best friend held me while we cried. I didn’t quite realize how much I had hoped for lower numbers until they were not.
My son said not to worry. We’ll find the best treatment and money. Friends rally and surround me with theit love and support. Even unknown facebook friends are right there with advice and encouragement.
Although I would be a good canditate for Cyberknife ( I still like the idea of no cutting, no pain best!) It seems that Medicare won’t pay for this treatment. They view this as experimental?? Really? Only ‘traditional radiation’ pay. If I had a Grandma, I’d have to sell her to cover these inflated costs. Should I research other ‘alternative options?’ Which one to pick? Which one is only smoke and mirrors? How can I make a reasonable decision when there’s molasses in my brain?
I have written an e-mail to German University. Not that I believe they’re better but so far, they’ve been cheaper. University of Heidelberg has a state of the art oncology-cyberknife center.
We still hang on to the thread of hope to ‘lose’ this 50 cent size tumor on the camino. I have enough time to do that.
Am I ungrateful in this ‘whining’? At least there are options. Many people don’t even get that much. Well, one thing for sure. I will have plenty of quality time to think about any and all of this when I walk the camino. There are still miracles out there. I’ve had two, ten years ago, within six month of each other. But, that’s another story.
For those of you who would like to know what this Cyberknife is all about.