February 22nd was a cold and snowy day. My friend Lynne came to pick me up and drove to Grand Junction. I was extremely anxious. The whole idea about insertion of Port and then Chemo, was a hrash tig to swallow. During the ride I made liberal use of my MJ.
The day before my little buddy and Annika came to visit. Their mom had just told them about my situation. When I opened the door, I saw the solemn faces and the minute they came in, started to cry. I asked what was the matter and he said;” I am so sad’. I patted the couch beside me and told him to come sit. I actually put him on my lap and held him as he cried and being scared for me. I told him, that even though this was not what I had wanted or planned on, it would be alright. That I would do all I could to get well and he could help me.
I saw Annika sitting there, crying as well and I told her how I remembered the last time, when she was only 3 years old. She had asked me, if she could see my bald head. I said, sure and took my wig off. Ever so tenderly she touched my head and petted softly, saying “awww.’ Brought tears. She said, she remembers it too.
Blood pressure was still 159! I asked Nurse, who approached with IV, if she was any good with inserting the same. She said, ‘yes’. Well, she lied. It took her several tries and finally called someone else.
As we were waiting to be wheeled into OR, there came the ominous ‘Code Blue’ over speakers. Not something you want to hear before going in.
The surgeon came to talk with me and to explain procedure. Tears came unbidden and this Doctor said to me:’ We don’t force anyone to do this. If you don’t want to continue, then we’ll call Dr. M and tell her you want to stop.” Well, being chided was not what I would expect. Do they not teach compassion 101 anymore? But, I can imagine if you put people through like cattle, there’s not much left. I told him, that I’d only had 3 days to get used to this whole thing. It was also, the inevetability of it. That nothing would stop this now. That after 3 years of out running chemo, there it was.
The Twilight sleep was very nice. I did feel gentle pulling on my upper chest but no pain. Afterwards, I was starved and we went to lunch.
Next anticipation was the dreaded chemo. Cameron came Monday afternoon to take me next morning to GJ. I woke early, as usual and when I looked out the window, fat, thick snowflakes and everything white. Geez. What else? We had a white-out as well but got there very punctual.
One of my support group ladies had told me to have a cream (Lidocaine) prescribed, which goes on top of the port, so that way I would not even feel the ‘Poke’. Anything I can have and take and do to minimize the trauma, I will. (Got me a MJ refill and I used that a lot as well.)
Nurses in the chemo ward, were not sure about this protocol but I told them since it is NOT smoke, I would use it. The ward itself could use some nice paint and some greenery. Some pictures and ‘warmth’. Very generic and blah. Had some very nice and compassionate Volunteers. Ready to give you anything you’d want. Among a few documents I received a beautiful quilt. Sewn by Lutheran church ladies. I must send them a nice card. I was very touched.
Then it was time for all the ‘liquids’ to be hung. Saline, Carboplatin, Toxil. I worked very hard not to resist. For that chemo to come in and do it’s job. My Onc promised I would not get sick. She said, ‘I know you’ll be pleased how easy this will be, this time.” I assured her that I really wanted to believe.
We came home right after chemo. In the back of my mind, I was wondering if I can really go past the nausea which was soo very debilitating, the last time. I had prescriptions for anti nausea but 20 pills are $91.00 so I’d left them there. Cameron said, no, I’ll get them for you, in case you need them. Plus he bought all supersize Miralax and Softeners, etc. (That has been more miserable than anything else. To be in that situation again, after I’d just got everything to work normal.)
This morning, now 2 days after chemo, just a tiny bit nauseous but immediately took a pill.
Now, waiting for Tuesday and round two.
I do want to say a few words about the great social media, when it’s used to the good. I have so many, many people, most whom I’ve never met and don’t know personally, wishing me well, cheering me on and supportive with words and deeds.
Now, that the decision has been made, I’ll try not to whine or become a Prima Donna!
My daughter picked out two very nice wigs and I shall order those.