I know it’s been over a month since my last entry. I’ve had technical difficulties with log in etc. Writing this on my old, little lap top and hope it will hold on. The other reason was, that being in constant pain just does not translate into excitement to write, or sit. I was getting grouchy and irritable. ‘I’ve had enough’, I would yell.

Since last month, not much had changed healthwise. Constant pain and sliding into depression as I had seen Doc twice but no answers and no suggestions. Meanwhile, Cameron had decided to rent an apartment in beautiful Telluride. He had not ewanted to leave until we would know what was the matter with me. Not far from here but having his own space and different places to go and climb, write, meet and visit people. Also, to give me a place to come to and relax, having a bit of a respit from this nightmare.

First, there was another visit to the E.R. I was doubled over in pain but refused to take ‘Narcotics’ as the following constipation (even taking all sorts of help) was just as, if not more painful than the actual pain. ER doc respected my wishes not to give morphine (or others) and I received IV Ibuprofen which did help. Also had a CT scan. Upon reading the results he said, that there was NO sign of Diverticulitis!! Instead, his diagnosis was: Retro peritoneal Fibrosis. Huh? Meaning, way back in my abdomen there were adhesions. So. Nothing new, only different language for the same thing, for which I’ve had 2 surgeries. Meanwhile, since I had no idea what to do, I had written the German Professor an e-mail. Just as many times before, this busy man answered right away with suggestions, empathy and up lifting support. (Have I mentioned that he’s the only one NOT getting paid??)

Made an appointment with surgeon. Cameron went with me. She was puzzled as to what could be the source as well. But, no answers as I have to see the Gastroenterologist. (Finally, after 6 weeks waiting, it’ll be Oct. 30th.) Then, Nov. I will have a colonoscopy and after that, cancer test. If things have changed surgeon said, I may have to have radiation. (Maybe back to Cyberknife as they only radiated the ‘spot’ and not the whole abdomen with the danger of burning bowels.) I am not ready nor wiling to get a ‘bag.’

I went to Telluride the first weekend after Cameron had the Apartment. Lovely place and all furnished with a nice kitchen, two generous bedrooms, a large, sunny window with breath taking views of the mountains. Nice living room and dining area. The drive was beautiful through autumn colored forests. The town has quaint shops and Cafe’s. Lots of great places to walk. (Only parking seems to be a problem.) Of course I went shopping for groceries right away. Slow going with altitude being over 8000 feet. (I remembered my discharge instructions which noted: Avoid high altitude places.) ha. Didn’t seem to matter whether I was ‘high or low’ the pain the same.

I belong to an online Ovarian cancer support group. You probably have not seen the color of that ribbon. It’s Teal. It gets so lost in the sea of PINK and breasts. I posted about the malady and what I could do. Prompt reply from several ‘sisters’. It seems a very simplistic treatment but I was willing to try anything. A piece of Flannel dregded with Castor Oil, then a heating pad. I did this for a week. Heat feels very good on the spot anyway. Two days ago, when I woke up I had a strange sensation. Could not figure it out right away, then I knew. NO PAIN!! I could not believe it. I didn’t dare to get up right away for fear it may return but when I did, I only felt a tiny ‘twinge’. I was elated, hoping for perhaps an hour or two. Well, I got a whole day of this priceless gift. NOTHING compares to the absence of pain. I did some cleaning, laundry, shopping, writing and walking. It was also enough time to pick up some renewed hope which had fallen around my knees. It does spring eternal.

Yesterday, was not as good but also not as bad. I am also taking mineral baths with a whole host of different salts and additives. The other new thing is a new marijuana device and cartridge. No more Bong and no more smoking, which I detest. It burned my throat and my lungs. This one looks like an e-cigarette holder and it’s vapors only. No smell (which I dislike) and no going outside in the middle of the night. Between these 3 new treatments, any one could’ve made the difference but I’m not going to analyze. I am just so very happy to have less pain right now. I am still taking Ibuprofen (600 mg) but no other drugs. I have also been on many of my friends’ prayer list and credit those as well.

Hopefully submitting myself to all these tests will bring answers. I KNOW there is ‘something’. It could be ‘just’ more scar tissue (adhesions) but I think it’s too isolated. It could be a crimped colon or maybe it twisted? Well, I can guess as good as the docs. As I’m writing this, the pain is returning. Crap. Well now. We just have to wait and see. I had told the surgeon that she had better get me well so I can go to Europe in Spring, actually what I’d said was: ‘Come hell or high water.’ Neither one would be advisable.