This is what I thought about, yesterday, as I tried to get so many things done. Kali, the Indian Goddess with multiple arms. Took my old friend to the airport and just ‘threw’ her out so I wouldn’t weep. No long good bye’s. I came home to a silent, empty house and started a flurry of acitvities to fill the silence.  With some people you can’t wait until they leave and others, it gets really tough when they do. Cleaned the guestroom, washed laundry, vaccumed, prepped veggie food. Cooked some black bean burgers. In between I researched for options and read all these opinions on cancer cures, that some people swear by. I’d like to meet them. I almost started the Hydrogen Peroxide (oxygenating cells) until a Doctor told me that even though it did help with cancer, later on in most cases, these people developed bone cancer. So, it seems, you swap one for the other.

The Gerson method, which makes the most sense, is also very, very diffilcult to do alone and very expensive.

My mail box is filled with links and suggestions. All from well meaning, good friends. The multitude of choices is staggering. How to decide which one is THE one?

To help sort it out and make an informed decision I wrote to Prof. Dr. K. in Wuerzburg. He is a renouned Lung Specialist in Germany. ( He has the same first names as my brother who died of lung cancer in 2000.) While I visited my relatives, I went there to have my bloodwork and a CT scan done. Very kind and compassionate. Very encouraging, knowledgable and efficient. While I had to wait here for weeks and then for days to hear about results, he answered the next day. (I am sure he’s very busy as well as he has a whole Hospital to take care of.) He’s willing to lead me through this maze of choices as I’m not at all sure whether my decisions would be fear based. His parting words to me were:

‘I wish you could stay so I could make you well’. I was in tears as no one ever said this to me before.

I’m regrouping this morning. Hope.  Can’t beat it down. There it is. A new, little sprig, green and fresh. I am also going shopping to buy a whole bushel of cruciferous vegetables… and start more juicing… and take my vitamins by the handful… go out and get vitamin D which is so plentyful in Colorado. (All the while pray short and longer versions of the same prayer: ‘ please let this pass’. I want to see the beauty of this gorgeous world just a little bit longer. I want to see my son and daughter happy and my grandchildren graduated.

I want to have my friends over to share  food and laughter. I want to get a dog although right now I travel too much but there’s neighbor’s dog ‘Cassie’ who fills that spot.

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